David B. Haight's Heavenly Vision

Elder David B. Haight

David B. Haight missed the April 1989 General Conference due to health reasons. This was from his talk in the October 1989 General Conference:

The evening of my health crisis, I knew something very serious had happened to me. Events happened so swiftly—the pain striking with such intensity, my dear Ruby phoning the doctor and our family, and I on my knees leaning over the bathtub for support and some comfort and hoped relief from the pain. I was pleading to my Heavenly Father to spare my life a while longer to give me a little more time to do His work, if it was His will.

While still praying, I began to lose consciousness. The siren of the paramedic truck was the last that I remembered before unconsciousness overtook me, which would last for the next several days.

The terrible pain and commotion of people ceased. I was now in a calm, peaceful setting; all was serene and quiet. I was conscious of two persons in the distance on a hillside, one standing on a higher level than the other. Detailed features were not discernible. The person on the higher level was pointing to something I could not see.

I heard no voices but was conscious of being in a holy presence and atmosphere. During the hours and days that followed, there was impressed again and again upon my mind the eternal mission and exalted position of the Son of Man. I witness to you that He is Jesus the Christ, the Son of God, Savior to all, Redeemer of all mankind, Bestower of infinite love, mercy, and forgiveness, the Light and Life of the world. I knew this truth before—I had never doubted nor wondered. But now I knew, because of the impressions of the Spirit upon my heart and soul, these divine truths in a most unusual way.

I was shown a panoramic view of His earthly ministry: His baptism, His teaching, His healing the sick and lame, the mock trial, His crucifixion, His resurrection and ascension. There followed scenes of His earthly ministry to my mind in impressive detail, confirming scriptural eyewitness accounts. I was being taught, and the eyes of my understanding were opened by the Holy Spirit of God so as to behold many things.

The first scene was of the Savior and His Apostles in the upper chamber on the eve of His betrayal. Following the Passover supper, He instructed and prepared the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper for His dearest friends as a remembrance of His coming sacrifice. It was so impressively portrayed to me—the overwhelming love of the Savior for each. I witnessed His thoughtful concern for significant details—the washing of the dusty feet of each Apostle, His breaking and blessing of the loaf of dark bread and blessing of the wine, then His dreadful disclosure that one would betray Him.

He explained Judas’s departure and told the others of the events soon to take place.

Then followed the Savior’s solemn discourse when He said to the Eleven: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33.)

Our Savior prayed to His Father and acknowledged the Father as the source of His authority and power—even to the extending of eternal life to all who are worthy.

He prayed, “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”

Jesus then reverently added:

“I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.

“And now, O Father, glorify thou me with thine own self with the glory which I had with thee before the world was.” (John 17:3–5.)

He pled not only for the disciples called out from the world who had been true to their testimony of Him, “but for them also which shall believe on me through their word.” (John 17:20.)

When they had sung a hymn, Jesus and the Eleven went out to the Mount of Olives. There, in the garden, in some manner beyond our comprehension, the Savior took upon Himself the burden of the sins of mankind from Adam to the end of the world. His agony in the garden, Luke tells us, was so intense “his sweat was as … great drops of blood falling … to the ground.” (Luke 22:44.) He suffered an agony and a burden the like of which no human person would be able to bear. In that hour of anguish our Savior overcame all the power of Satan.

The glorified Lord revealed to Joseph Smith this admonition to all mankind:

“Therefore I command you to repent …

“For … I, God, … suffered … for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent; …

“Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, …

“Wherefore, I command you again to repent, lest I humble you with my almighty power; and that you confess your sins, lest you suffer these punishments.” (D&C 19:15–16, 18, 20.)

During those days of unconsciousness I was given, by the gift and power of the Holy Ghost, a more perfect knowledge of His mission. I was also given a more complete understanding of what it means to exercise, in His name, the authority to unlock the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven for the salvation of all who are faithful. My soul was taught over and over again the events of the betrayal, the mock trial, the scourging of the flesh of even one of the Godhead. I witnessed His struggling up the hill in His weakened condition carrying the cross and His being stretched upon it as it lay on the ground, that the crude spikes could be driven with a mallet into His hands and wrists and feet to secure His body as it hung on the cross for public display.

Crucifixion—the horrible and painful death which He suffered—was chosen from the beginning. By that excruciating death, He descended below all things, as is recorded, that through His resurrection He would ascend above all things. (See D&C 88:6.)

Jesus Christ died in the literal sense in which we will all die. His body lay in the tomb. The immortal spirit of Jesus, chosen as the Savior of mankind, went to those myriads of spirits who had departed mortal life with varying degrees of righteousness to God’s laws. He taught them the “glorious tidings of redemption from the bondage of death, and of possible salvation, … [which was] part of [our] Savior’s foreappointed and unique service to the human family.” (James E. Talmage, Jesus the Christ, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1977, p. 671.)

I cannot begin to convey to you the deep impact that these scenes have confirmed upon my soul. I sense their eternal meaning and realize that “nothing in the entire plan of salvation compares in any way in importance with that most transcendent of all events, the atoning sacrifice of our Lord. It is the most important single thing that has ever occurred in the entire history of created things; it is the rock foundation upon which the gospel and all other things rest,” as has been declared...

I testify to all of you that our Heavenly Father does answer our righteous pleadings. The added knowledge which has come to me has made a great impact upon my life. The gift of the Holy Ghost is a priceless possession and opens the door to our ongoing knowledge of God and eternal joy. Of this I bear witness, in the holy name of Jesus Christ, amen.

#LDSConf Highlights October 2014: Sunday Morning Session

HENRY B. EYRING - "Continuing Revelation"

My hope for us today is that we may all feel love and light from God. There are many listening today who feel a pressing need for that blessing of personal revelation from our loving Heavenly Father...

We all know that human judgment and logical thinking will not be enough to get answers to the questions that matter most in life. We need revelation from God. And we will need not just one revelation in a time of stress, but we need a constantly renewed stream. We need not just one flash of light and comfort, but we need the continuing blessing of communication with God.

The very existence of the Church stems from a young boy knowing that was true. Young Joseph Smith knew that he could not of himself know which church to join. So he asked of God, as the book of James told him he could. God the Father and His Beloved Son appeared in a grove of trees. They answered the question that was beyond Joseph’s power to resolve...

My mother must have understood that principle of revelation. As a young man, I would close the back door very quietly when I came home late in the evening. I had to pass my mother’s bedroom on the way to mine. However quietly I tiptoed, just as I got to her half-opened door, I would hear my name, ever so quietly, “Hal. Come in for a moment.”

I would go in and sit on the edge of her bed. The room would be dark. If you had listened, you would have thought it was only friendly talk about life. But to this day, what she said comes back to my mind with the same power I feel when I read the transcript of my patriarchal blessing.

I don’t know what she was asking for in prayer as she waited for me those nights. I suppose it would have been in part for my safety. But I am sure that she prayed as a patriarch does before he gives a blessing. He prays that his words will come to the recipient as the words of God, not his. My mother’s prayers for that blessing were answered on my head. She is in the spirit world and has been for more than 40 years. I am sure she has been exceedingly glad that I was blessed, as she asked, to hear in her counsel the commands of God. And I have tried to go and do as she hoped I would...

Heavenly Father hears your prayers. He loves you. He knows your name. Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and our Redeemer. He loves you beyond your ability to comprehend.

God pours out revelation, through the Holy Ghost, on His children. He speaks to His prophet on the earth, who today is Thomas S. Monson. I witness that he holds and exercises all the keys of the priesthood on earth.

As you listen in this conference to the words of those God has called to speak for Him, I pray that you will receive the confirming revelation you need to find your way on the journey home again, to dwell with Him in a sealed family forever. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

RUSSELL M. NELSON - "Sustaining the Prophets"

Yesterday, we were each invited to sustain Thomas S. Monson as the prophet of the Lord and President of the Lord’s Church. And often we sing, “We thank thee, O God, for a prophet.” Do you and I really understand what that means? Imagine the privilege the Lord has given us of sustaining His prophet, whose counsel will be untainted, unvarnished, unmotivated by any personal aspiration, and utterly true!

How do we really sustain a prophet? Long before he became President of the Church, President Joseph F. Smith explained, “It is an important duty resting upon the Saints who … sustain the authorities of the Church, to do so not only by the lifting of the hand, the mere form, but in deed and in truth.”

Well do I remember my most unique “deed” to sustain a prophet. As a medical doctor and cardiac surgeon, I had the responsibility of performing open-heart surgery on President Spencer W. Kimball in 1972, when he was Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. He needed a very complex operation. But I had no experience doing such a procedure on a 77-year-old patient in heart failure. I did not recommend the operation and so informed President Kimball and the First Presidency. But, in faith, President Kimball chose to have the operation, only because it was advised by the First Presidency. That shows how he sustained his leaders! And his decision made me tremble!

Thanks to the Lord, the operation was a success. When President Kimball’s heart resumed beating, it did so with great power! At that very moment, I had a clear witness of the Spirit that this man would one day become President of the Church!

You know the outcome. Only 20 months later, President Kimball became President of the Church. And he provided bold and courageous leadership for many years...

The calling of 15 men to the holy apostleship provides great protection for us as members of the Church. Why? Because decisions of these leaders must be unanimous. Can you imagine how the Spirit needs to move upon 15 men to bring about unanimity? These 15 men have varied educational and professional backgrounds, with differing opinions about many things. Trust me! These 15 men—prophets, seers, and revelators—know what the will of the Lord is when unanimity is reached! They are committed to see that the Lord’s will truly will be done. The Lord’s Prayer provides the pattern for each of these 15 men when they pray: “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”...

The Church today has been organized by the Lord Himself. He has put in place a remarkable system of governance that provides redundancy and backup. That system provides for prophetic leadership even when the inevitable illnesses and incapacities may come with advancing age. Counterbalances and safeguards abound so that no one can ever lead the Church astray. Senior leaders are constantly being tutored such that one day they are ready to sit in the highest councils. They learn how to hear the voice of the Lord through the whisperings of the Spirit.

CAROL F. McCONKIE - "Live According to the Words of the Prophets"
First Counselor, Young Women General Presidency

Our Father in Heaven loves all of His children and desires that they know and understand His plan of happiness. Therefore, He calls prophets, those who have been ordained with power and authority to act in God’s name for the salvation of His children. They are messengers of righteousness, witnesses of Jesus Christ and the infinite power of His Atonement. They hold the keys of the kingdom of God on earth and authorize the performance of saving ordinances.

In the Lord’s true Church, “there is never but one on the earth at a time on whom this power and the keys of this priesthood are conferred.” We sustain President Thomas S. Monson as our prophet, seer, and revelator. He reveals the word of the Lord to guide and direct our entire Church. As President J. Reuben Clark Jr. explained, “The President of the Church … alone has the right to receive revelations for the Church.”...

In a world threatened by a famine of righteousness and spiritual starvation, we have been commanded to sustain the prophet. As we give heed to, uphold, and affirm prophetic word, we witness that we have the faith to humbly submit to the will, the wisdom, and the timing of the Lord.

We heed prophetic word even when it may seem unreasonable, inconvenient, and uncomfortable. According to the world’s standards, following the prophet may be unpopular, politically incorrect, or socially unacceptable. But following the prophet is always right. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”...

As we prayerfully read and study sacred prophetic word with faith in Christ, with real intent, the Holy Ghost will speak truth to our minds and hearts. May we open our ears to hear, our hearts to understand, and our minds that the mysteries of God may be unfolded to our view.

I bear my witness that Joseph Smith was and is the prophet called of God to restore the gospel of Jesus Christ and His priesthood to the earth. And I testify that in President Monson we are led by a true prophet of God today. May we choose to stand with the prophets and live according to their words until we become unified in faith, purified in Christ, and filled with the knowledge of the Son of God. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

ROBERT D. HALES - "Eternal Life, to Know Our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ"

Many years ago I took the opportunity to study the final testimonies of the prophets in each dispensation. Each bore a powerful witness of God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

As I have read these testimonies—and many others like them over the years—it has always touched my heart to sense how deeply Heavenly Father loves His eldest Son and how Jesus shows His love by His obedience to His Father’s will. I testify that when we do what is necessary to know Them and know Their love for one another, we will obtain “the greatest of all the gifts of God”—even eternal life. For “this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.”

How can this gift be ours? It comes through a matter of personal revelation, which has been spoken of and taught this morning.

Do you remember the first time you knew there was a God and could feel His love? As a boy, I used to gaze into the starry sky and ponder and feel His presence. I thrilled to explore the magnificent beauties of God’s creations—from tiny insects to towering trees. As I recognized the beauty of this earth, I knew that Heavenly Father loved me. I knew that I was a literal spiritual offspring, that we are all sons and daughters of God.

How did I know this? you might ask. The scriptures teach, “To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and … to others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful.” From my perspective, this does not mean that some people will forever be dependent upon the testimonies of others...

You too can seek our Heavenly Father and “this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have [testified]” in the scriptures and in this general conference. As you seek a personal witness—your personal revelation—you will discover that Heavenly Father has provided a special way for you to know the truth for yourself: through the third member of the Godhead, a personage of spirit we know as the Holy Ghost.

“And when ye shall receive these things”—including what I have shared today—“I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

“And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know [with a surety] the truth of all things.”

Brothers and sisters, I testify that our Heavenly Father wants us to seek this knowledge now. The words of the prophet Helaman cry from the dust: “Remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation … , a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.” Indeed, we will not fail.

That sure foundation is Jesus Christ. He is “the Rock of Heaven.” When we build our house upon Him, the rains of the latter days may descend, the floods may come, and the winds may blow, but we will not fall. We will not fail, for our home and our family will be founded upon Christ.

JAMES J. HAMULA - "The Sacrament and the Atonement"
1st Quroum of the Seventy

On the eve of Gethsemane and Calvary, Jesus gathered His Apostles together one last time to worship. The place was the upper room of a disciple’s home in Jerusalem, and the season was Passover.

Before them was the traditional Passover meal, consisting of the sacrificial lamb, wine, and unleavened bread, emblems of Israel’s past salvation from slavery and death and of a future redemption yet to be realized. As the meal drew to a conclusion, Jesus took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to His Apostles, saying, “Take, eat.” “This is my body which is given for you: this do in remembrance of me.” In a similar manner, He took the cup of wine, offered a blessing on it, and passed it to those around Him, saying: “This cup is the new testament in my blood,” “which is shed … for the remission of sins.” “This do in remembrance of me.”...

The ordinance of the sacrament has been called “one of the most holy and sacred ordinances in the Church.” It needs to become more holy and sacred to each of us. Jesus Christ Himself instituted the ordinance to remind us what He did to redeem us and to teach us how we may avail ourselves of His Redemption and thereby live with God again.

With torn and broken bread, we signify that we remember the physical body of Jesus Christ—a body that was buffeted with pains, afflictions, and temptations of every kind, a body that bore a burden of anguish sufficient to bleed at every pore, a body whose flesh was torn and whose heart was broken in crucifixion. We signify our belief that while that same body was laid to rest in death, it was raised again to life from the grave, never again to know disease, decay, or death. And in taking the bread to ourselves, we acknowledge that, like Christ’s mortal body, our bodies will be released from the bonds of death, rise triumphantly from the grave, and be restored to our eternal spirits.

With a small cup of water, we signify that we remember the blood Jesus spilled and the spiritual suffering He endured for all mankind. We remember the agony that caused great drops of blood to fall in Gethsemane. We remember the bruising and scourging He endured at the hands of His captors. We remember the blood He spilled from His hands, feet, and side while at Calvary. And we remember His personal reflection on His suffering: “How sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.” In taking the water to ourselves, we acknowledge that His blood and suffering atoned for our sins and that He will remit our sins as we embrace and accept the principles and ordinances of His gospel.

Thus, with bread and water, we are reminded of Christ’s Redemption of us from death and sin. The sequence of bread first and water second is not inconsequential. In partaking of the bread, we are reminded of our own inevitable personal resurrection, which consists of more than just the restoration of body and spirit. By the power of the Resurrection, all of us will be restored to the presence of God. That reality presents to us the fundamental question of our lives. The fundamental question facing all of us is not whether we will live but with whom we will live after we die. While every one of us will return to the presence of God, not every one of us will remain with Him...

Brothers and sisters, the most important event in time and eternity is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He who accomplished the Atonement has given us the ordinance of the sacrament to help us not only remember but also claim the blessings of this supreme act of grace. Regular and earnest participation in this sacred ordinance helps us continue to embrace and live the doctrine of Christ after baptism and thereby pursue and complete the process of sanctification. Indeed, the ordinance of the sacrament helps us faithfully endure to the end and receive the fulness of the Father in the same way Jesus did, grace for grace.

I bear witness of the power of Jesus Christ to redeem us all from death and sin and of the power of the ordinances of His priesthood, including the sacrament, to prepare us to “see the face of God, even the Father, and live.” May we receive the sacrament next week, and each week thereafter, with deeper desire and more earnest purpose, I pray in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

THOMAS S. MONSON - "Ponder the Path of Thy Feet"

All of us commenced a wonderful and essential journey when we left the spirit world and entered this often-challenging stage called mortality. The primary purposes of our existence upon the earth are to obtain a body of flesh and bones, to gain experience that could come only through separation from our heavenly parents, and to see if we would keep the commandments. In the book of Abraham chapter 3 we read: “And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.”

When we came to the earth, we brought with us that great gift from God—even our agency. In thousands of ways we are privileged to choose for ourselves. Here we learn from the hard taskmaster of experience. We discern between good and evil. We differentiate as to the bitter and the sweet. We learn that decisions determine destiny...

When Jesus extended to a certain rich man the invitation, “Come, follow me,” He did not intend merely that the rich man follow Him up and down the hills and valleys of the countryside.

We need not walk by the shores of Galilee or among the Judean hills to walk where Jesus walked. All of us can walk the path He walked when, with His words ringing in our ears, His Spirit filling our hearts, and His teachings guiding our lives, we choose to follow Him as we journey through mortality. His example lights the way. Said He, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”

As we examine the path Jesus walked, we will see that it took Him through many of the same challenges we ourselves will face in life.

For example, Jesus walked the path of disappointment. Although He experienced many disappointments, one of the most poignant was depicted in His lament over Jerusalem as He closed His public ministry. The children of Israel had rejected the safety of the protecting wing which He had offered them. As He looked out over the city soon to be abandoned to destruction, He was overcome by emotions of deep sorrow. In anguish He cried out, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!”

Jesus walked the path of temptation. Lucifer, that evil one, amassing his greatest strength, his most inviting sophistry, tempted Him who had fasted for 40 days and 40 nights. Jesus did not succumb; rather, He resisted each temptation. His parting words: “Get thee hence, Satan.”

Jesus walked the path of pain. Consider Gethsemane, where He was “in an agony … and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.” And none can forget His suffering on the cruel cross.

Each of us will walk the path of disappointment, perhaps because of an opportunity lost, a power misused, a loved one’s choices, or a choice we ourselves make. The path of temptation too will be the path of each. We read in the 29th section of the Doctrine and Covenants: “And it must needs be that the devil should tempt the children of men, or they could not be agents unto themselves.”

Likewise shall we walk the path of pain. We, as servants, can expect no more than the Master, who left mortality only after great pain and suffering.

While we will find on our path bitter sorrow, we can also find great happiness.

We, with Jesus, can walk the path of obedience. It will not always be easy, but let our watchword be the heritage bequeathed us by Samuel: “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.” Let us remember that the end result of disobedience is captivity and death, while the reward for obedience is liberty and eternal life.

We, like Jesus, can walk the path of service. As a glowing searchlight of goodness is the life of Jesus as He ministered among men. He brought strength to the limbs of the cripple, sight to the eyes of the blind, hearing to the ears of the deaf.

Jesus walked the path of prayer. He taught us how to pray by giving us the beautiful prayer we know as the Lord’s Prayer. And who can forget His prayer in Gethsemane, “Not my will, but thine, be done”?...

We read in Proverbs the admonition, “Ponder the path of thy feet.” As we do, we will have the faith, even the desire, to walk the path which Jesus walked. We will have no doubt that we are on a path which our Father would have us follow. The Savior’s example provides a framework for everything that we do, and His words provide an unfailing guide. His path will take us safely home. May this be our blessing, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, whom I love, whom I serve, and of whom I testify, amen.

My Testimony

I've been enjoying reading about church history, reading old talks, learning about the gritty details from more objective sources. When I grew up, it seemed like the only sources were church-approved or anti-Mormons. The internet has allowed for more honest scholarship, with more ready access to primary sources.

But I also want to make sure I don't get lost in the details, so at this time, I want to bear my testimony about God, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I've shared Exhibit A and Exhibit B on why I believe in God. I'd like to share three more, and then delve into my conclusions.

Exhibit C

My mother and father got divorced in Amarillo, Texas, at the beginning of 1984. Mom moved with her seven children back to Orem, Utah. I was the oldest at age ten; my brother Austin was just a few months old. We'd lived in Orem before, and we were happy to be able to move back to one of our old houses. We liked the neighborhood. I was able to reconnect with friends I hadn't seen for about four years.

On July 3, 1984, the week after I'd turned 11, we were watching Scooby-Doo reruns while my mom went to a neighbor's to feed their pets and water their plants while they were away on vacation. I got into an argument with my 7-year-old brother Jordan over what to watch next (I think), and ultimately we went to the neighbor's house to go tell on each other.

Now this neighbor's house had a greenhouse built on the side of it. The doors were all locked so we split up, calling for "Mom!", both wanting to find her first so we could present our side of the argument to her first. The first time I passed the greenhouse, its door was open, and an inner voice stopped me in my tracks in front of the door. "Look in the greenhouse." I sat there in front of the door, arguing with myself. Why should I look in there? She's not answering and I can see most of it from where I stood. I kept looking around the perimeter of the house.

On the second lap, once again a voice stopped me in front of the greenhouse door. "Look in the greenhouse." Once again, I argued with myself. There's no point in looking in there. She would've come out if she was in there because we're shouting for her, and I can see from here she's not in there. I kept looking on the outside.

On the third go-around, once again, for the third time, a voice stopped me in front of the greenhouse door. "Look in the greenhouse." Why should I look in there? I can see from here most of it, and she's not there. There's no point of looking in there.

Mine is not a tale of where I followed the Spirit's voice. Mine is more the tale of Peter, who denied he knew the Savior three times, and then he heard the cock crow, and then he got it. I never looked in the greenhouse. I gave up and went home.

Now to this day I don't know if I could have saved my mother's life, or God just wanted me to find the body so my little brother wouldn't have to live with that vision the rest of his life. If I'd looked in the greenhouse, I would have found that behind the concrete shelving on the right, there was a window across the bottom of the wall that led into their basement. My mom had found herself locked out of the neighbor's house and when she'd tried to find a way in, she came across that window. She crawled through that window feet first, but when she did so, the window shut on her neck. The glass cut her, and I can't remember if she died from suffocation or bleeding to death, but when my brother looked in the greenhouse, he found her hanging from that window, unresponsive. He went to a neighbor's and alerted them.

From my POV, I'd just gone back home, frustrated I couldn't find Mom. Jordan wasn't back, so I figured he'd found her first and was telling her his side of our argument. I went back to the neighbor's house and hey, the front door's open. I walked in and I saw Brother Malan on the phone and his teenage son David urgently working on... something. Some other lady was there and as soon as she saw me, she plastered on a desperate, fearful, toothy smile and shooed me outside. "Why don't we wait outside?" Something was going on, but she didn't want me to see it. If she had noticed me a couple seconds later, I would have seen David performing mouth-to-mouth/CPR on my mom's body.

As soon as the ambulance took her away (and they wouldn't let me go to the hospital with her!) I called my dad in Texas. I told him she'd been in some kind of accident and they just took her to the hospital. He took the next flight he could find. I remember going into my mother's bedroom and praying desperately for her to live, but the damage had been done.

The next day - July 4, 1984 - he and her sisters agreed to pull the plug. She was brain-dead. There was nothing anyone could do.

So if you ever find yourself arguing with yourself, ask yourself: Are you arguing with yourself, or the Spirit?

Exhibit D

My dad, a few days after my mom died, proposed to his then-girlfriend. They got married a month later and suddenly I had a stepmom and four stepsisters, three of them older than me. But that didn't last long. About two months later, we came home from school one day to find half our stuff gone. I called Dad at work and he found she'd emptied their bank account (including the thousands of life-insurance money from my mom's death). So for the rest of the school year, it was just us.

Summer 1985, the seven of us lived with our aunt and uncle and their seven kids in Orem. We'd call Dad every week or two, and one day he let us know he met someone and he married her. Huh? Met her and married her in less than ten days. Oh, and she has four kids, two of them older than me.

Those were stressful times, and there was abuse involved, but I wanted to make this one point. During a time of high stress, where I didn't feel safe at school or at home - anywhere, really - my stepmom started slapping me repeatedly for accidentally letting the cat outside. I ran outside and was disappointed to see the neighborhood deserted. I ran to the church building down the street. I was crying and stressed and miserable and just couldn't believe this was my life and wishing I was dead, and I went into the cultural hall and saw some guys playing basketball. I went on the stage, behind the curtains so no one could see me, and I just prayed to God for it to all go away.

And instantly it did. Every chemical in my body that was amping up my stress factors just vanished. I was fine. Relaxed. Stress-free. I knew my crappy life still existed out there, but I was given an oasis of pain-free calm.

I came out from behind the curtain and watched the guys play their game. No worries. No stress. Just peace. May seem small to some, but it meant the world to me.

Exhibit E

Now even while my dad and stepmom were engaging in more behaviors that I would argue weren't in harmony with the gospel, deep down, my dad still had a testimony. At that time. I think. For one General Conference, I remember he and me putting on our white shirts and ties and heading over for the priesthood session.

Now General Conference and any talk in general is boring to most kids and teens. I probably didn't have a great attitude about the words we were going to hear. But I remember when it was Ezra Taft Benson's turn to speak. This would've been around 1987, so he was the prophet and President of the Church. As soon as he being to speak, my heart swelled. The Spirit poured onto me with clear, loud, amped-up assurity that this was a prophet of God. I wanted to shout from the rooftops and sing with the angels. I was so excited. It's all I could talk about on the way home. I think my dad was glad, or amused. He obviously didn't have the same experience I did, but man, it was so clear!

So I've had other experiences but those are the top five I think about. They sustain me. They were each undeniable.

(Update: I found the talk pres. Benson gave that struck me. "To the Fathers in Israel")

In Conclusion

Now I've heard some people refer to mere "warm fuzzies" when it comes to the Spirit, and I've had those. I've had the majority of my prayers go unanswered, and I've "given" myself the answer I wanted to prayers that backfired. (Usually financially.) I've heard about the God Helmet, and would happily take that challenge. But here's what each experience had given me.

Exhibit A - God can give insight into the future before we would have any idea what's going on.
Exhibit B - The power of the priesthood is real, and God loves all his children.
Exhibit C - The Spirit can only whisper to you so much; you have to listen and follow it.
Exhibit D - We have our trials, but God can grant tender mercies when it becomes too much.
Exhibit E - God's prophet is on the Earth.

Now if Pres. Benson was a true prophet, then how he got there makes the rest of it legitimate. It means Joseph Smith was a prophet, that Brigham Young was his rightful successor, and that each prophet down was who was supposed to be next. Pres. Benson's main focus when he led the Church was on the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. That means it really is inspired scripture, and that we can study it and learn from it as the Bible. It means Pres. Thomas S. Monson is the true prophet today. It means there will be future prophets, future revelations, future scriptures. It means God is real, Jesus is the Christ, and we are eternal beings.

Now as I've been studying church history, I've been coming across the more messy details about how it all came together. And if we had more primary sources, I'm sure we'd find that with prophets of old. I mean, Moses killed a guy, Jonah refused to go where he was called, Noah got drunk a lot. Wise kings David and Solomon sinned egregiously when they knew better.

How was it for Paul performing his missionary duties when some people could say, "Hey, aren't you Saul, the guy who'd hold people's coats while they stoned Jesus' followers to death?" I go back to Pres. Uchtdorf's talk, where he says frankly that sometimes the leaders of the church have made mistakes, but it doesn't subtract from the truthfulness of the gospel.

It's amazing that the Church has survived. Since its inception, they were driven from place to place. Joseph Smith received constant revelation, and yet he also said and did some things that make you say "What?" When he died, Church membership was at 26,000, and thousands of them followed Sidney Rigdon or JJ Strang or others. Brigham Young took those that would follow and moved them to Utah, and then they were able to build up the kingdom. There were a lot of growing pains. And Young definitely was the product of his times and had his blind spots. (Blacks and the priesthood, for one.)

And so it went to John Taylor and Wilford Woodruff and Lorenzo Snow and Joseph F. Smith and Heber J. Grant and George Albert Smith and David O. McKay and Joseph Fielding Smith and Harold B. Lee and Spencer W. Kimball and Ezra Taft Benson and Howard W. Hunter and Gordon B. Hinckley and Thomas S. Monson.

Now we've been instructed that the President of the Church will never lead us astray. I believe that, but I believe that means he'll never take the Church completely off the rails, but we still all are entitled to personal revelation and personal confirmation about the truthfulness of his words or of anything about the gospel.

Now that it's grown past 15 million, I can see the growing pains of a worldwide church. It's becoming a more flat church. Regular members will hardly be able to get access to the First Presidency or the Apostles, and they rely more on local leaders. Medical advances mean the Apostles' average ages have gone up. (Of the FP and Q12, only three of them are under the age of 73.) There is a corporate wing to the church. It's a church of imperfect people doing the best they can. We get out of our wards and stakes what we put into them.

But the way I see it, when we all die, once this life is over, we'll see our loved ones, and we'll see the big picture, and there won't be religion anymore. It'll just be the way it is. And yeah, the LDS church has those saving ordinances. We're like the custodians. Truth is truth, and truth can be found anywhere, and when we've obeyed those commandments that Christ taught, we'll then understand why. We'll be given the answers to everything. There won't be faith anymore; it'll just be knowledge. So if we're jerks in this life, we'll be jerks in the next life, and if we're jerks in the next life, we won't be able to bear being in God's presense. So be excellent to each other.

When asked by someone to boil down the gospel to its core, Jesus gave two commandments. Love thy God, and love thy neighbor. I strive to do both, and I hope everyone else does too. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.